Girls' Night Out

By Marina LeWebb

1 Interior- Explosives Warehouse

Night. The warehouse is filled with high-stacked crates. One wall is being painted, a large scaffolding resting against it. Wraith, Siege, and Chameleon stand among the crates.

CHAMELEON: (Scratching his head) So do we take 'em from the top or from the bottom?

WRAITH: Does it matter? This scene will probably end in an explosion anyway.

SIEGE: Will you two do something useful for once?

WRAITH: Oh, very well.

Wraith disappears in a puff of smoke and reappears at the top of some crates. He takes the rope and hook from a nearby pulley and attaches it to one. Siege pulls the other end of the rope and begins lowering it down.

SIEGE: (To Chameleon) Are you gonna do anything?

CHAMELEON: I'm supervisin'.

SIEGE: You wanna be supervisin' your funeral?

Chameleon morphs into Popeye.

CHAMELEON: (As Popeye) Jus gimme some spinach and I'll shiver yer timbers! (As Popeye, he laughs.)

WRAITH: Unless you want the Ducks to catch us, I suggest you hurry up.

NOSEDIVE: (OS) A little late, you Saurian Sleezoids!

WRAITH: Oh how predictable.

The Ducks are in the doorway. Tanya carries a strange kind of ray gun.

SIEGE: (To Chameleon) I think we jus got you another funeral to supervise.

CHAMELEON: Not one, Siegie. Six!

The fight begins. While Tanya is in the background fiddling with the ray, the others shoot pucks at the Saurians, who have taken cover behind some crates. Wraith shoots a fireball in their general direction, scattering them. Mallory dives to the floor and finds Wraith standing over her with his staff raised.

WRAITH: I'm suddenly in the mood for a duck kebab.

As he brings down the staff, Duke parries.

DUKE: Save room for desert.

They battle. Mallory picks herself up. Wildwing, Grin, and Nosedive are exchanging shots with Chameleon and Siege. Chameleon sees that Tanya is unprotected and distracted. As he shoots at the ceiling above her, Mallory dives for her. She knocks her out of the way as a large chunk of plaster hits the floor where Tanya had been standing. The ray clatters to the ground.

MALLORY: Are you hurt?

TANYA: (Ignoring the question) I gotta get my new Capture Ray on-line!

MALLORY: Nope. She didn't even break her train of thought.

Now Siege is standing over them, blaster in hand. Duke swings by on the rope and pulley and slashes the barrel off the blaster. Siege teleports across the room. Duke makes a flashy dismount near the still sprawled Ducks.

DUKE: (To Mallory) You again? You're havin some trouble stayin on your feet tonight!

He helps them both up.

MALLORY: Yeah. One too many hits with a lizard.

TANYA: Well I can take care of that.

She lifts her Capture Ray. The other Ducks have gotten behind her and she points the Ray at the Saurians.

TANYA: This should trap them in an electromagnetic cage!

She shoots it, and an electromagnetic beam shoots straight out. The Saurians dodge it, and it bounces back off a metal panel, heading straight at Mallory. Duke tackles her and the beam hits the scaffolding behind them. It collapses, covering all six of them in yellow paint. The Saurians teleport away.

DUKE: (Short-tempered) Nobody make any yellow jokes.

NOSEDIVE: How many yellow jokes do you know?

DUKE: Just don't tell any, okay?

2 Interior- Ready Room

The team enters, grumbling, still covered in paint.

TANYA: I don't get it- I checked the control valve three times! The transmogrification circuit must've malfunctioned!

NOSEDIVE: Oh sure, the old "busted transmogrification circuit" excuse.

Duke points an accusatory finger at Mallory.

DUKE: It must've happened when Mallory knocked it out of her hands.

NOSEDIVE: No way man! Genius Girl messed up!

WILDWING: It doesn't matter whose fault it was.

NOSEDIVE: Oh, excuse me if I insulted Tanya, the Great and Powerful!

TANYA: (Poking him in the chest) Listen bub, I'd like to see you come up with one plan that doesn't blow up in your face!

NOSEDIVE: Now you're gettin confused, Tanya. Explosions are your department!

GRIN: We don't need this, guys. I've had enough bad karma for one night.

DUKE: Yeah, you an' me both. And on top of everything else, Klegghorn'll have the entire precinct in here dusting for featherprints!

TANYA: Not this time! (She triumphantly produces a small tape recorder.) I recorded the whole burglary. He'll hear exactly what happened.

She goes to press play, but Duke swipes it from her grasp.

TANYA (con't): Hey!

DUKE: Oh no you don't. You'll blow us all sky high!

MALLORY: Oh come off it, Duke! Like you guys have never made a mistake.

DUKE: Great. The last thing we need is commentary from you.

MALLORY: What's that supposed to mean?

DUKE: It means that you weren't exactly pullin' your weight back there! I spent more time savin' your feathered tail than I did fightin' the Saurians!

WILDWING: We all did our best, Duke.

DUKE: Aw, come on Wing! We all know that Mal gets in the way more than she does any good.

She approaches him, a hand on her hip.

MALLORY: (Poking him in the chest) Then maybe you don't need me!

DUKE: Maybe we don't!

MALLORY: (Flipping him to the floor) Hiyah!

He lands with a thud, temporarily speechless.

MALLORY: Still think so?

DUKE: Yeah. We don't need you to beat me up- Grin can do that any time he wants.

WILDWING: You guys, stop this! We're all in a lousy mood, but this squabbling is ridiculous.

GRIN: By tearing ourselves apart we do Dragaunus's work for him.

MALLORY: (Glaring at Duke) Then how 'bout if I just tear Duke apart?

TANYA: (Calming her) Come on, Mallory. Let's wash up and I'll take you to the mall.

She takes Mallory by the arm and pulls her out.

WILDWING: Duke, ease off, okay?

DUKE: Me!?! What about her!?!

NOSEDIVE: (Calming him) Come on, Duke. Let's go put worms in their boots.

3 Interior- Ready Room

An hour or so later. Drake 1's alarm is sounding, and a cleaned-up Wildwing is at the computer.

WILDWING: It's a Drake 1 alert!

Nosedive and Grin are at his side in an instant.

WILDWING(con't): It's that same warehouse again- it must be Dragaunus!

NOSEDIVE: Man, that guy is worse than Athlete's Foot!

GRIN: Tanya and Mallory are still at the mall.

NOSEDIVE: Aw, we don't need those birds.

WILDWING: Where's Duke?

4 Interior- Phil's Car

Phil drives and Duke is in the passenger seat, happily looking out the window at the deserted highway. Suddenly, he realizes something.

DUKE: Hey! This ain't the way to Medieval Times !

PHIL: (Casually) I'm takin' a shortcut babe. Guaranteed speed.

DUKE: I smell somethin' funny here Phil, and it ain't your cologne.

PHIL: Duke, sweetheart, would I lie to you?

Duke knows the answer to this.

DUKE: Spill it, Phil!

PHIL: Alright, alright. We're going to LA for a photo shoot.

DUKE: If this is another men's underwear thing I'll-

PHIL: Don't be ridiculous, boobie! I wouldn't do something like that! It's for one of those weapons magazines, y'know, they heard you had a thing for swords.

DUKE: But whatta they want me to wear?

PHIL: Hey, that's their decision babe. I-

Suddenly, a jolt shakes the car.

DUKE: What the-

Another jerk hits them.

DUKE(con't): Phil, tell me you got a real bad transmission problem.

PHIL: Uh, sorry boobie.

Another jolt and Phil starts to scream.

DUKE: Somebody's shooting at us!

He leans out the window, reaching for his saber. Before he can do anything, the car starts to skid off the road.

PHIL: Hold onto your feathers!

The car hits the side of the road and turns over, the front end landing on a big rock. It stops, propped up at an angle, upside down.

Duke, strapped safely in his seat, opens his eyes and groans.

DUKE: What in the-

He sees Phil is unconscious. He shakes him.

DUKE (con't): Phil! Phil, you okay?

PHIL: (Mumbling) Let's do lunch...My people'll call your people...

Phil lapses back into unconsciousness.

DUKE: I better get help.

He undoes his seatbelt and falls to the ground with an oof. He shakes his head to clear it.

DUKE: (Looking up) Wait a second. If someone was shooting us...

He looks up to see a blonde woman in a black trenchcoat, fedora, and sunglasses pointing a dangerous looking gun at him.

DUKE (con't): Well hello there. I don't suppose you happen to have a tire iron on ya?

The woman produces a tire iron.

DUKE (con't): I was afraid a that.

She hits him in the head, and he is knocked out.

5 Interior- Explosives Warehouse

Nosedive, Grin, and Wildwing enter cautiously. The warehouse is empty.

WILDWING: There's no one here.

NOSEDIVE: Thank you Sherlock.

GRIN: This is giving me bad vibes.

A mist fills the room.

WILDWING: Do you guys smell something?

They start to gasp and fall to their knees.

NOSEDIVE: (Gasping) I think it's time we invested in some gas masks!

6 Interior- Ready Room

Mallory storms in, carrying a shopping bag and followed by Tanya.

TANYA: Will you calm down? If I hear one more complaint about Duke-

MALLORY: Hey, you were the one ranting about Nosedive the entire time. What was it you compared his mental capacity to? A Tic Tac?

TANYA: Speaking of Tic Tacs, where are the guys?

Mallory looks around and sees them not.

MALLORY: Maybe there was an emergency while we were out.

TANYA: Or maybe Nosedive tried to make toast again and had to be rushed to the hospital.

MALLORY: I doubt they left us a note.

TANYA: I'll check Drake 1.

She does.

TANYA (con't): There was a break-in at that explosives warehouse again! They must've gone to check it out! They took the Migrator with them.

As she types in another key sequence, Mallory picks up a sheet of paper from the floor.

MALLORY: But they didn't take Duke.

TANYA: What do you mean?

MALLORY: Look- it's Phil's.

Tanya takes it.

TANYA: (Reading) "Heroic Hardware, the only magazine devoted to the world's finest weapons and the dashing people who wield them."

MALLORY: Sounds like something Duke would fall for- the only thing he likes more than his saber is himself.

TANYA: You're forgetting his hair. But I've never heard of this magazine.

MALLORY: I don't think it exists. I think he was set up. In that hunk of junk Phil calls a car, Dragaunus would have no problem getting to him.

TANYA: This wasn't Dragaunus.

MALLORY: It wasn't?

TANYA: Not by a long shot. The other guys went back to that warehouse three hours ago to check out a break-in.

MALLORY: So? Dragaunus wanted one less Duck to worry about so he got rid of Duke.

TANYA: Not quite. I just did some checking, and it turns out Dragaunus's goons never set off any alarms.

MALLORY: But that doesn't make any sense! How did we get the alerts?

TANYA: Somebody sent us both alarm signals from an outside computer!

MALLORY: Then Nosedive, Grin, and Wildwing walked straight into a trap! (She stops, realizing something) But Dragaunus wouldn't sabotage his own heist.

TANYA: Exactly. This whole plot is too subtle for him- he doesn't have the patience or the imagination to come up with something like this.

MALLORY: Well, whoever we're dealing with is in for a little surprise.

TANYA: Are you nuts!?! For all we know, we could be up against some crazed warlord with armies at his command!

MALLORY: Yeah, but the team's in trouble.

TANYA: It's kinda tempting to leave them that way.

MALLORY: It's very tempting. But we're a team. (she straps her puck shooter across her back)

TANYA: Besides, Nosedive owes me money.

7 Interior- Steele's HQ Ready Room

Duke opens his eyes and groans. He looks around. He is laying on the floor of a very large room. The floor is marble and the walls are lined with pillars and paintings, interspersed. A fountain stands at the far end of the room, in an atrium, and the other end contains an immense database, even larger than Drake 1.

DUKE: (Appreciatively) Nice digs.


Duke turns his head. Near the computer are four large, comfortable looking chairs, three of which contain Wildwing, Nosedive, and Grin. Duke stands and walks to them.

WILDWING (con't): (Relieved) Duke, you're awake. We were getting worried.

DUKE: What's goin' on here?

NOSEDIVE: We were kinda hopin' you could tell us.

FEMALE VOICE (OS): I think I should handle that.

They turn. Ivy Steele stands on the elevated platform of the computer. She is a tall, attractive woman with longish, wavy brown hair. She wears a red, short-skirted suit with black accents, red lipstick, black pumps, and small, round, black sunglasses. A black remote is in her left hand.

WILDWING: And exactly who are you?

IVY: I am Ivy Steele.

The Ducks react.

NOSEDIVE: Ivy Steele? The big crime boss?

DUKE: I didn't think you existed.

She descends the staircase, walking towards them.

IVY: Very few do. Which is why none of you are going to leave here alive.

DUKE: I shoulda seen that one comin'.

GRIN: I presume you know who we are.

IVY: Very well. Wildwing, the fearless leader. Nosedive, his wisecracking but loyal brother. Grin, the inwardly tranquil Behemoth. And Duke L'Orange, the swashbuckling ex-crime boss.

DUKE: 'Swashbuckling', eh? I like that.

IVY: We'll put it on your gravestone.

The Ducks exchange grim looks.

IVY (con't): But none of that matters any more.

She clicks a button on the remote control. Electromagnetic bindings spring from their chairs and restrain them at their ankles and wrists.

IVY (con't): As of now, you are merely bait.

8 Exterior- Explosives Warehouse

Night. Mallory and Tanya pull up on Duckcycles and see that the place is swarming with cops.

TANYA: Uh-oh.

MALLORY: Come on, this is our only lead.

They dismount.

9 Interior- Explosives Warehouse

Klegghorn stands in the middle of the investigation, eating a doughnut. A Cop hands him a clipboard and he finishes the doughnut, freeing his hands to thumb through the report. Suddenly, he stops and looks up.

COP: What is it, Captain?

KLEGGHORN: I smell feathers.

He thrusts the clipboard into the Cop's hands and turns to the doorway. There, sure enough, are Tanya and Mallory. Klegghorn approaches, followed by the Cop.

KLEGGHORN (con't): What do you birds think you're doin' here?

MALLORY: We came to help.

TANYA: And to uh, be helped.

KLEGGHORN: Well forget it. We're never gonna solve this one.

TANYA: You mean you're not going to accuse us?

KLEGGHORN: Much as I'd like to, no.

MALLORY: Then you've got another suspect?

KLEGGHORN: That's classified information, sweetheart.

TANYA: Then so is ours, honey.

Klegghorn thinks a moment.

KLEGGHORN: Okay. Before the security cameras were disabled they picked up a human, all in black.

MALLORY: Male or female?

KLEGGHORN: We can't tell. Made off with three cases of high powered explosives. Not a clue left behind. No fingerprints, no tools, no nothing.

MALLORY: I don't know anyone who could've pulled off a heist like that. Not even Duke.

Tanya looks at her.

MALLORY (con't): (Grudgingly) Okay, maybe Duke.

COP: Ivy Steele could've done it.

KLEGGHORN: (Angrily) Will you cut it out with that Steele hoohah!?!

TANYA: Who's Ivy Steele?

KLEGGHORN: Ah, just some urban myth. She's a crime boss character some informant cooked up a few years ago. (To Cop) But his tips led us on a wild goose chase! (To Ducks) No offense.

COP: But she could still exist!

KLEGGHORN: (Sarcastically) Sure. And there are alligators livin' in the sewers!!!

MALLORY: Thanks for the info, Klegghorn.

KLEGGHORN: Now you wait just a feather-pluckin' minute. What about your tip?

TANYA: Oh, yeah. The rest of our team came here three hours ago and haven't come back.

KLEGGHORN: So whaddya want me to do, throw a party? How's that supposed to help with my investigation?

MALLORY: Do you know who'd want them out of the way?

KLEGGHORN: Who wouldn't?

TANYA: Fine then. We'll find them ourselves.

KLEGGHORN: Oh no you don't. You leave this to the authorities. We'll get around to it.

Mallory folds her arms.

MALLORY: How comforting.

KLEGGHORN: I mean it! No super-heroing on my beat, you got that?

MALLORY: (Saluting) Aye aye, Captain.

Klegghorn nods smugly and departs. Mallory and Tanya turn to each other.

TANYA: Any ideas?

MALLORY: Let's search the perimeter- maybe they missed something. Rendez-vous in Oh-Five-Hundred.

This is Greek to Tanya.

TANYA: Yeah uh, how bout I just call you on my com link?

10 Exterior- Explosives Warehouse

Tanya searches the wall. She comes to a dumpster and kneels down to look at the wheels.

TANYA: There are grooves in the ground, like someone moved this dumpster. I wonder...

She pushes it aside, but the wall behind it seems normal. She knocks on it.

TANYA (con't): It sounds hollow! Well, my OmniTool'll get to the bottom of this!

She opens a blowtorch and cuts out a section of wall, revealing all kinds of wires and electronic chips. She examines them, closing the blowtorch.

TANYA (con't): It looks like the wiring for an electronic door! Maybe if I-

She twists two wires and a panel opens, revealing an electronic key pad. She opens her com.

TANYA (con't): Uh, Mallory? I kinda found something.

11 Exterior- Explosives Warehouse

Mallory has joined her and is examining the key pad.

MALLORY: Feel like withholding a little evidence?

TANYA: Is that a rhetorical question?

MALLORY: You're on, Tanya.

TANYA: And exactly when was I off?

MALLORY: Enough sarcasm already!

TANYA: Sorry, but we're operating four Ducks short here. Somebody has to supply the banter.

MALLORY: Is that what you're calling it?

TANYA: Just watch this.

She opens a drill from her OmniTool and unscrews the key pad. She twists some wires, and rescrews the panel. She presses a key sequence and Mallory jumps back as a door opens in the ground where the dumpster had been. A dark staircase leads downwards.

TANYA(con't): Are we impressed yet?

MALLORY: Pretty impressed.

TANYA: On the other hand, that was a little too easy. All I had to do was rewire the code programming to load my own key sequence.

This is Greek to Mallory.

MALLORY: Well, trap or no trap, we've gotta go down there. We don't have a backup plan.

TANYA: We don't have backup, period! I hope we can handle whatever's down there.

MALLORY: (Going down the staircase) You and me, Tanya? We can handle anything!

TANYA: Does the phrase "Famous Last Words" mean anything to you?

She opens a flashlight and follows.

12 Interior- Steele HQ Holding Cell

The cell is reasonably large and clean. The guys sit on the floor, bound at the wrists and ankles. Duke struggles with his bindings as the others look on hopefully.

DUKE: it...

Suddenly, an electric shock goes through him. He convulses and falls back, still conscious. The others turn to see Ivy, remote control still pointed at Duke.

IVY: We'll have no more of that.

WILDWING: (Angrily) What do you want?

IVY: Just this.

She walks over to him, tucking the remote inside her jacket, and removes his Mask. Nosedive throws himself at her, trying to knock her down. Without turning, she sidesteps easily and Nosedive goes crashing into his brother, bowling him over. She turns to Grin, the only one still sitting up.

IVY (con't): Are you going to try anything funny?

GRIN: Who, me?

IVY: No, the 7-foot Zen Buddhist behind you.

GRIN: Nothing funny. I just have one question.

IVY: They always do.

GRIN: Why the explosives?

IVY: (Smiling) That's my little secret. But I'll tell you this much- one thing a criminal can never afford to be is cocky.

WILDWING: What does that mean?

IVY: It means that I'm prepared for anything. You see, I like the mystery surrounding me. You certainly never suspected me.

NOSEDIVE: No way you're gonna get away with this, psycho-chick! Someone's gonna come get us!

Ivy smiles.

IVY: I certainly hope so.

She turns to go, then turns back.

IVY (con't): Oh, and Duke?

Duke has managed to sit up, but is still slightly frazzled.

DUKE: You called, Doll Face?

IVY: (Extending a hand) Hand it over.

Grumbling, Duke slips Tanya's tape recorder out of his sleeve.

DUKE: You don't miss a trick, do ya?

He slides it over to her. She scoops it up with her toe, kicking it into her hand in one fluid motion.

IVY: Of course not. That wouldn't be very good business, now would it?

She tosses the recorder in the air and pulls a black gun from inside her jacket, shooting it twice. It clatters to the ground, ruined.

IVY (con't): Have a nice day.

She exits, with the Mask, her gun still smoking.

WILDWING: Mallory and Tanya'll get us out of this.

Nosedive snorts.

NOSEDIVE: Those birds? They're probably sittin' around painting their nails.

13 Interior- Corridor

Mallory and Tanya run down the tiled, well-lit, business-like hallway, dodging laser shafts and shooting pucks behind them.

MALLORY: The guys had better appreciate this.

They turn a corner, and Mallory pulls Tanya into a closet, locking the door.

14 Interior- Closet

They look around.

TANYA: Now what?

MALLORY: You're asking the wrong Duck. If only we had some kind of disguise...

Her eye falls on two janitor uniforms. She smiles at Tanya.

MALLORY (con't): What size are you?

15 Interior- Corridor

The closet door opens and two "janitors" exit, with mops, wheelie buckets, and caps pulled over their faces.

TANYA: (Stage whisper) Do you really think this is gonna work?

MALLORY: (Stage whisper) Just try to blend in.

They push their buckets casually down the hall, heads down. Tanya starts to whistle. They turn another corner. A woman in a blue suit and a blonde in a black trenchcoat pass by, paying them no notice. Tanya and Mallory duck around a corner.

TANYA: Now what?

WOMAN 1 (OS): Now, you freeze.

They turn. The women who passed them in the hall are now pointing guns at them.

WOMAN 2: And just what do you think you're doing here?

Mallory smiles.

MALLORY: Mopping?

WOMAN 2: Nice try.

MALLORY: Oh no, I'm serious. In fact, be careful- this floor is slippery

She grabs Woman 1- the black trenchcoat- by the arm, flipping her onto the ground.

MALLORY (con't): See? You'd better watch your step.

Woman 2, the blue suit, grabs Tanya in a tight hold. Tanya grabs her mop and brings it down on Woman 2's foot. She releases Tanya with a yell of pain, and Tanya hits her in the stomach with the heavy end, sending her into the wall. She slumps to the floor, out cold. Mallory has tied up Woman 1 with her own belt. She stands.

MALLORY: So much for blending in.

16 Interior- Corridor

They sprint, blasters drawn, down the hall. They push aside a man and woman, who recover quickly and give chase.

MALLORY: We've got company!

TANYA: No kidding!

They come to a dead end with a large door. Mallory tries it- it's locked. She throws herself against it a few times, but to no avail. The man and woman catch up with them, grabbing them both. They struggle but cannot free themselves.

MAN 1: Hold it right there, ladies.

TANYA: Ladies? Oh you must've made a mistake.

She points to the name tag on her janitor uniform.

TANYA (con't): We're Fred and Lou, see?

WOMAN 3: Well, Lou, I'm afraid we're going to have to take care of you.

MALLORY: I don't suppose that means giving us dinner and a back rub.

MAN 1: Not exactly.

17 Interior- Holding Cell 2

Mallory and Tanya are thrown in. The door locks behind them.

MAN 1 (VO): That oughtta hold 'em for now.

WOMAN 3 (VO): Yeah. Until the boss gets through with them.

They laugh, growing softer as they walk away. Mallory throws herself at the door several times, without success. She bangs it in frustration.

MALLORY: Now what do we do? They took our blasters!

TANYA: But they didn't take my OmniTool!

She looks at her empty wrist.

TANYA(con't): Oh wait, they did.

MALLORY: Whoever's in charge around here sure has us figured.

TANYA: I dunno, Mallory. I mean, it's not like our disguises were ingenious.

MALLORY: You've got that right.

They remove their uniforms.

MALLORY (con't): So how do we get out of here?

TANYA: Well if the lock's electronic maybe I can hot-wire it.

Mallory looks at the lock.

MALLORY: Nope. It's an old fashioned key lock.

TANYA: Kinda primitive for this place. (She examines it.) You know who we need.

MALLORY: Don't say it! The last name I want to hear right now is Duke L'Orange!

TANYA: Well, I was gonna say Superman, but I guess Duke could do it too.

MALLORY: I'll do it.

TANYA: This I have to see.

Mallory kneels by the lock.

MALLORY: I need a wire.

TANYA: Will a hairpin do?

She pulls two from her hair and gives them to Mallory.

MALLORY: It's worth a try.

She sticks the pins in the lock and wiggles them around. The door opens with a clicking sound.

MALLORY (con't): Are we impressed yet?

TANYA: Pretty impressed. How did you do it?

MALLORY: I have no idea.

TANYA: Don't tell Duke. I don't think you could do that again.

MALLORY: Are you kidding? We can do anything, remember?

They exit cautiously.

18 Interior- Corridor

TANYA: (Stage whisper) We need some weapons.

MALLORY: (Stage whisper) I don't suppose you have a puck blaster up there.

She gestures at her hair.

TANYA: (Stage whisper) No, but that's not a bad idea.

They run down the hall, glancing behind them. They turn the corner and press themselves against the wall. Mallory notices a large wooden double-door. She nudges Tanya.

MALLORY: Hey, look. I bet our mystery crime boss is in there.

TANYA: Are you crazy!?! We're unarmed!

MALLORY: But they don't know that.

TANYA: You wanna bet?

Mallory looks around.

MALLORY: Maybe there's some kind of weapons lab nearby.

TANYA: Yeah, or maybe if we just wish really hard some puck blasters will appear!

MALLORY: Alright then, we'll have to bluff.


Mallory has already opened the door. They enter quietly.

19 Interior- Steele HQ Ready Room

They step into the vast room, ignoring the sheer awesomeness of it. They look up at the huge computer and see that a figure sits in the large black swivel chair. Mallory puts a finger to her beak. Tanya nods. She stands in a shadow at the foot of the computer as Mallory silently creeps up the stairs to the main platform. She is three feet away from the chair, arms outstretched for a grab.

IVY: Why hello, Mallory. I'm glad you made it.

Mallory freezes. Ivy swivels around to face her.

IVY (con't): Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ivy Steele.

MALLORY: (Surprised) Ivy Steele? You?

IVY: In the flesh.

MALLORY: You'd better tell me what you did with my team, or you'll be out of the flesh.

IVY: You're hardly in the position to make demands, Mallory. Unless you were going to pretend that your com-link is a thermal detonator.

Mallory sets her jaw, her eyes narrow.

IVY (con't): (Her eyes on Mallory) You can come out, Tanya.

Pause. Tanya emerges from her hiding place and, sheepishly, mounts the stairs. She stands next to Mallory.

TANYA: Uh, hi.

MALLORY: You knew we were unarmed?

IVY: Well, I do have your weapons. I added them to my collection.

She presses a button on her remote. A panel slides open on the computer console, revealing various puck blasters, an OmniTool, a Duck Saber, and the Mask of Drake DuCaine. Mallory and Tanya gasp.

TANYA: You did kidnap the guys!

IVY: Of course.

MALLORY: But why?

IVY: It's really quite simple, Mallory. I'm doing a little recruiting.

She presses a button on the remote. On the computer screen behind her, a file photo of each of the Ducks appears.

IVY (con't): Six candidates. First we have Wildwing. Strong, clear-thinking, good fighting skills. But, he's the leader. So he has to go.

She presses a button and his photo disappears.

IVY (con't): Then we have Nosedive. Also a good fighter, and he has a knack for saving the day. Of course, he's Wildwing's brother, and would be loyal to him. And so he follows him.

She presses a button and his photo disappears.

IVY (con't): Next is Duke L'Orange. His skills are invaluable and perfectly suited to my line of work. But he's a thief-turned-crime-fighter, which makes him completely untrustworthy. He'd either join me and try a double-cross or else turn me over to the police. So I'd have to kill him no matter what.

She presses a button and his photo disappears. Mallory and Tanya exchange glances.

IVY (con't): Then there's Grin. Unbelievable strength without the foolhardy bloodlust that usually accompanies it. But if Grin ever had an underhanded thought in his life, his unwavering belief in karma keeps him clean.

She presses a button and his photo disappears. Tanya and Mallory remain.

MALLORY: And then there were two.

IVY: Very good. Tanya, one of the most brilliant mechanics and inventors this planet has ever seen. And Mallory, the unparalleled fighter who knows how to follow orders. Neither of you have any deep loyalties to the group, nor any obvious personality flaw.

TANYA: What about abiding the law?

IVY: Well you did withhold evidence. It's a start.

MALLORY: What makes you think we'd leave our team?

IVY: They don't appreciate you. Recent events make that more than clear.

She presses a button on the remote, running an audio clip.

WILDWING(VO): Mallory and Tanya'll get us out of this.

NOSEDIVE (VO): (Snorting) Those birds? They're probably sittin' around painting their nails.

She presses another button, ending the clip. Mallory and Tanya exchange looks.

IVY: In my organization your potential will be fully realized, you will start in leadership positions, and you will receive the respect you deserve, plus two weeks paid vacation. Did I mention we have a company hockey team?

TANYA: If you want us so badly, why didn't you just kidnap us along with the rest of the team?

IVY: Part of your initiation test was seeing if you could find them. You passed with flying colors.

MALLORY: But doesn't that indicate our loyalty to the team?

IVY: Not quite. It's part of your military training to look out for your squad. (Gesturing to Tanya) And Nosedive owes you money.

TANYA: Wow. You really did your homework.

MALLORY: Wait a minute- you said this was part of our test.

TANYA: What's the other part?

IVY: Well, I'm not going to ask you to kill your team, if that's what you're wondering.

TANYA: Whew. Good.

IVY: I'm going to make you watch me do it.

Mallory and Tanya exchange glances.

MALLORY: Do we get our weapons back?

IVY: After the job's done.

Mallory and Tanya exchange glances.

TANYA: Well you see, there's a small problem with that.

IVY: Oh?

TANYA: Show her, Mal.

Mallory lunges at Ivy, knocking over both her and the swivel chair. Ivy kicks her off. Mallory lands on her feet as Ivy jumps up and scrambles for the remote.

IVY: You're not going to stop me that easily!

She presses a button and a Plexiglass panel descends from the ceiling, separating them. Mallory throws herself at it, but it remains. Ivy runs off.

MALLORY: She's getting away!

TANYA: We have to get to the guys before she does!

The weapons are on their side of the glass. She puts on her OmniTool and uses the laser to cut a door in the Plexiglass.

MALLORY: She's made her first tactical error- now we've replenished our munitions.

They look at the Mask, then at each other.

TANYA: Flip ya for it.

MALLORY: Take it. (Picking up Duke's saber) I've always wanted to try this thing out.

TANYA: (Donning Mask) I thought you wanted to break it into little pieces.

MALLORY: Well, that too. Come on, we have to hurry- we don't even know where they are.

TANYA: Leave that to me.

They run through the hole in the Plexiglass and out the door.

20 Interior- Corridor

They duck (no pun intended) back into the doorway as lasers are fired at them from down the hall. Tanya activates the Mask.

TANYA: Cover me!

MALLORY: (Opening the saber) Here goes nothing!

They step out into the hallway. Mallory deflects laser bolts while Tanya scans.

21 Interior- Corridor

Tanya's P. O. V. She scans the red-tinted hallway, looking through walls. Behind them, through several rooms, four figures sit on the floor.

22 Interior- Corridor

Tanya deactivates the Mask.

TANYA: I found them! Keep up the defense!

She pulls out a puck blaster and shoots a hole in the wall. She runs through it. Mallory follows, still blocking enemy fire.

23 Interior- Weapons Lab

Scientists in lab coats scatter before the determined Ducks. Tanya shoots a hole in the far wall. They run through it.

24 Interior- Holding Cell

The guys sit on the floor.

NOSEDIVE: Okay, my turn: I spy with my little eye, something that begins with a D!

WILDWING: Nosedive, we've already used "duck" three times!

The wall explodes. When the rubble clears, Mallory and Tanya stand there.

GRIN: Mallory! Tanya! You've come to rescue us!

TANYA: Well, you know we would, but we have to go paint our nails.

The guys glare at Nosedive, who laughs nervously.

NOSEDIVE: Hey! Cancha take a joke?

MALLORY: A little apology would come in handy right about now.

Wildwing and Grin look at Nosedive and Duke, who look at each other.

DUKE: After you, kid.

NOSEDIVE: Oh no, I never proceed my elders.

DUKE: Women and children first.

Mallory clears her throat.

MALLORY: Y'know that manicure is sounding pretty good...

She and Tanya turn to leave.

DUKE and NOSEDIVE: We're sorry!

DUKE: You two are just as important to the team as the rest of us!

NOSEDIVE: More important! Most important! Numero uno!

They turn back and begin untying them.

MALLORY: Now was that so difficult?

DUKE: You wanna answer to that?

Freed, the guys stand. Tanya and Mallory give the guys their weapons. Wildwing puts on the Mask.

WILDWING: Now let's get out of here.

IVY (OS): You'll be getting out of here alright.

They turn to see Ivy, flanked by five uniformed guards, wielding her gun and remote.

IVY (con't): In matching pine boxes.

Tanya shoots the gun from her hand and Mallory tackles her, forcing her to drop the remote. The brawl begins, the guys fighting a guard each. Ivy kicks Mallory off her, and Mallory is grabbed by a female guard. Ivy turns to run but is faced with Tanya, bearing a puck blaster.

TANYA: You made a big mistake, Ivy.

IVY: And I suppose you're going to tell me what.

TANYA: Well if that's your attitude-

She shoots a bola puck at her. It wraps around her, pinning down her arms, and secures. Ivy looks around and spots her remote lying on the ground. She moves to it, but Tanya is faster. She steps on it, crushing it irreparably.

TANYA (con't): Oops. I seem to have broken your little toy.

IVY: Well, it appears you've got the drop on me, Tanya. It's really too bad you didn't join me. You would have done things you've only imagined.

TANYA: Yeah, and things I've had other people locked up for.

IVY: Well, it's too late now, anyway.

Tanya walks towards her.

TANYA: Excuse me as I kick myself.

As she reaches for her, Ivy breaks open the bonds. She slips her knife back into her sleeve.

IVY: Allow me.

She kicks Tanya to the floor. Tanya grabs her leg as she tries to run, bringing her to the ground. Ivy scrambles away, however. Tanya goes to pursue her, but she has left the room, locking the door behind her.

TANYA: She's getting away!

She turns back to the group. Mallory has managed to tie up her guard, but the others aren't doing nearly as well- in fact, they're losing.

WILDWING: We've got our own problems! You and Mallory go after her!

They blast through the door and run out.

NOSEDIVE: Hey, how come they're doin so much better than we are?

DUKE: It's their episode.

25 Exterior- Warehouse Roof

Mallory and Tanya come out onto the roof just in time to see Ivy take off in a private helicopter. They fire their puck blasters after it, with little effect. It flies out of sight.

MALLORY: We lost her!

TANYA: Come on, we gotta check on the guys!

They run back in.

26 Interior- Corridor

The guys run down the hall, shooting behind them.

WILDWING: Does anybody have any idea where we're going?

NOSEDIVE: I was following you!

DUKE: I was following Grin!

GRIN: I was following Duke!

WILDWING: I'll take that as a no!

They come to a dead end.

NOSEDIVE: Uh... on a scale of ungoodness, I'd say this rates about a nine-point-two.

The guards back them against the wall, lasers pointed.

WILDWING: Why not a perfect ten?

NOSEDIVE: Well y'know, the fact that it's our show and everything suggests that at least some of us'll get out alive.

GRIN: Very comforting.

DUKE: Well I ain't goin down without a fight! (Igniting his saber) Ducks rock!

He lunges at one of the guards, who grabs him by his sword arm and twists the saber from his grasp. She extinguishes it and Duke falls to the ground with a thump. The other guys point blasters at the guards, but they are disarmed with several laser bolts. The ruined blasters clatter to the ground.

GUARD 1: Have we gotten that out of our system now?

DUKE: (Looking up at her) Uh, yeah.

GUARD 2: Good.

Guard 2 raises his blaster and points it at Duke. The others point a blaster at a Duck each.

NOSEDIVE: Lemme just take this moment to say that it's been wonderful working with you fine gentlemen.

The guards cock their guns.

GUARD 3: Who likes their duck well-done?

TANYA (OS): How bout you just eat our dust, instead?

The guys look. Mallory and Tanya, of course, point puck blasters at the guards.

MALLORY: So Duke, now who's the damsel in distress?

DUKE: Can I answer that later?


They shoot the ceiling above the guards. The rubble falls on top of them, trapping them.

WILDWING: Let's move, team!

They run past the fallen guards and down the hall, Duke scooping up his saber.

27 Exterior- Explosives Warehouse

The team runs out the door in the ground.

MALLORY: Tanya, shut this thing up!

WILDWING: I don't think we're being followed!

TANYA: (Typing a command into the keypad) Better safe than paté!

The door closes. Grin pushes the dumpster over it. The group rests a moment, then wearily walks towards the two nearby Duck Cycles. Tanya leans on one.

TANYA (con't): I tracked down the Migrator- it's in an Anaheim impound lot.

Wildwing stretches.

WILDWING: We can pick it up tomorrow. I say we catch a cab.

DUKE: Y'know what the worst part a all this is?

NOSEDIVE: The fact that Tanya and Mallory showed us up in every scene?

Duke thinks a moment.

DUKE: Y'know what the second worst part a all this is?


DUKE: That mob boss broad got away!

28 Interior- Steele Private Plane

The plane flies over some kind of tropical island, flown by Ivy herself.

IVY: That little skirmish was a lot of fun, but the Ducks haven't beaten me yet. Not by a long shot.

She reaches for a button on the console.

IVY (con't): And as soon as I cover my tracks, I can start anew from my tropical headquarters. I could use a tan, anyway.

She presses it.

29 Exterior- Explosives Warehouse

WILDWING: (Gesturing at the hideout) At least now we have proof that Ivy Steele exists.

TANYA: Well, not exactly. There's still one loose end to tie up.

WILDWING: What's that, Tanya?

TANYA: The explosives!

As she speaks, the warehouse goes up in a huge explosion, sending them flying. They pick themselves up and watch the remains burn.

NOSEDIVE: Man, she got away high and dry!

GRIN: She was prepared for anything. Even retreat.

WILDWING: So that's why no one was following us. They were evacuating.

Mallory looks at the crushed Duck Cycles, lying under warehouse rubble.

MALLORY: That cab's sounding pretty good about now.

30 Interior- Ready Room

The Ducks reenter.

MALLORY: What a night.

GRIN: My inner tranquillity was disturbed too many times.

NOSEDIVE: Grin-Meister, I think we need to get you a "Do Not Disturb" sign for your aura.

DUKE: Listen Mal, I'm real sorry about all that stuff I was sayin' before.

MALLORY: No problem, Duke. I know it was the paint talkin.

TANYA: Yeah, or the hair spray.

NOSEDIVE: I guess I kinda owe you dames an apology me'self. I mean, an apology not given at gun point.

TANYA: Apology accepted. I mean, we kinda have to thank you guys.

DUKE: Why's that?

TANYA: Well how else would we have gotten our own episode?

WILDWING: Tanya, what was that big mistake you were telling Ivy about?

MALLORY: She made a tactical error. She went up against me and Tanya.

Tanya puts a hand on her shoulder.

TANYA: And we can handle anything!

MALLORY: Well I'm going to handle a change of clothing. (She sniffs the air and makes a face.) And maybe the rest of you should do the same.

She and Tanya exit. Nosedive smells himself.

NOSEDIVE: I don't know what she's talkin about, man. I happen to be shower fresh. (He remembers something.) Uh, Duke? You didn't actually put worms in her boots, did ya?

DUKE: Of course not!


DUKE: (Putting a hand on his shoulder) You did. I suggest you run.

Nosedive looks at Duke, then towards Mallory's room, then at Duke again. He bolts. Duke chuckles, then looks at Mallory and Tanya, standing in the doorway, the latter holding a canister.

DUKE (con't): Hey, ya just missed Nosedive.

Mallory and Tanya exchange glances.

TANYA: We know.

They approach.

MALLORY: Y'see, the MO is Nosedive's. But this- (She holds up a grey feather.) is yours.

Duke looks at it and chuckles nervously.

DUKE: Hey, so I'm moltin', is that a crime?

TANYA: Well, we just wanna make sure you don't lose any more feathers. (Holding up the canister) With my patented super glue.

MALLORY: And that means plucking each one off first.

Duke looks at them a moment, then turns to the reader.

DUKE: This ain't gonna be pretty. We'd better end it here.

Tanya unscrews the canister top, and the screen goes black.

The End
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