Jezrael Swordfeather used to say that there's lying, and then there's hiding the truth, and the two don't always amount to the same thing.
Well, maybe that made Jez feel better, but it don't do jack for me. Not since I've spent half my life doing one or the other. Not when I lie awake at night, and look at Mallory, and wonder how the hell she can stand to stay with me when all I've ever done is break her heart.
Talon and the Ring. Lauran. Selwyn Craine. Each and every one of them, a lie. A half-truth. Something I never meant to tell her—but every time, ultimately, something I couldn't hide.
Poor Mal. I love her so much—why do I keep hurting her? Why can't I just tell her the truth and be done
with it?
Maybe it's because I've hidden the truth from myself for so long that I don't know what it is anymore.
Maybe it's just because I'm a coward.
Well, I'm about to be a lonely coward. When Mal knows what I know, this time, I don't doubt that she'll leave me, and I couldn't blame her. She's put up with so much crap out of me—too much. Every time could be the last time...and I'm afraid this will be the last time.
We've been back on Puckworld for three years now. The twins are in school. They're happy. She's happy. By all accounts, I should be happy.
But I'm not; and I know Mallory won't be much longer, either.
I thank God—if he's listening, which personally I doubt—that Mal was out shopping when I got the mail this afternoon.
I got a letter from Elaine Silversteel. Mal doesn't know about her yet—what happened between us was nearly a year ago—but I can't go on with her not knowing, not after today.
I burned the letter as soon as I'd read it. I didn't want Mallory to see what I saw....
You have a daughter. Her name is Athena. I thought you should know.